My Surrender
by Suki-Itami
Summary: Raven has agreed to sing at Robin and Starfire's wedding, but not for their benefit. She needs to get a message to Starfire, and knows no other way to do so.


Raven followed slowly behind the rest of the crowd walking into the massive dining hall where Starfire and Robin's wedding reception was to be held. She stopped in the doorframe, watching as people showered them with hugs and congratulations. A lot of it was Beast Boy, having been overly excited since before the wedding began.

She stood there for at least ten minutes, though it felt a lot shorter to her, before Starfire came floating over to her. Raven mustered up the best smile she could handle. "Hey there. Congratulations." She tried to make it sound genuine, and even added in a hug for both good measure, and for one last embrace to her friend.

"Oh! Thank you, Raven!" Starfire pulled away and smiled at the black-haired girl in front of her. "Robin and I are also very happy that you agreed to sing for our first dance!" She tilted her head to the side and stuck her first finger on her bottom lip in a way that Raven had always found so cute. "What will you sing?"

Raven chuckled. "You'll just have to wait."

Starfire pouted for a moment but then went back to smiling. "Okay! Well, we are ready to dance when you are ready to sing!"

"Okay. I'll be ready in a second." Raven pointed to Robin. "Why don't you go tell Robin, that way he knows…?"

Starfire nodded and turned to fly back over to her now husband. Raven stood there watching her red-headed friend float away from her. She hung her head and pulled up her hood to hide the moisture gathering in her eyes as she walked across the room to the makeshift stage they had set up the day before.

Raven wiped her eyes and pulled her hood down again as she walked up the stairs to the stage and faced the crowd with microphone in hand. "Um, everyone?" Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and looked at her. "If the m-married couple are ready, then we can start their dance."

Robin grabbed Starfire in a waltz position as piano music began to play, and Raven's voice echoed through the room.

…

_Oh…O~Oh…_

_There's so much life I've left to live_

_And this fire's burning still_

_When I watch you look at meI think I could find the will_

_To stand for every dream_

_And forsake the solid ground_

_And give up this fear within_

_Of what would happen if they ever knew_

…

Robin gracefully twirled Starfire into an elegant spin. Raven was then glad for her ability to control her emotions even now, for she knew that if she didn't keep a check on them, then she would break everything in her sight for agreeing to this. And she knew that the only reason that she had was because she loved Starfire, and had wanted to make her happy.

…

_I'm in love with you…_

'_Cause I'd surrender everything_

_To feel the chance to live again_

_I reach to you_

_I know you can feel it too_

…

Starfire looked over Robin's shoulder to Raven and smiled; she was happy that her friend had agreed to sing, even if the cryptic girl didn't like it. But, she did in fact, like singing for Starfire--hell, she loved it. This was Raven's last chance to tell Starfire how she felt, even if she didn't love her back.

…

_We'd make it through_

_A thousand dreams I still believe_

_I'd make you give them all to me_

_I'd hold you in my arms and never let go_

_I surrender_

_I know I can't survive_

_Another night away from you_

_You're the reason I go on_

_And now I need to live the truth_

_Right now, there's no better time_

_From this fear I will break free_

_And I'll live again with love_

_And, no, they can't take that away from me_

…

Now the tears came as Starfire and Robin locked lips in the middle of their dance before continuing. Again, Starfire looked at Raven, but this time without a smile. She saw the other girl's tears and was concerned, though she didn't stop the dance to say anything.

…

_And they will see..._

_'Cause I'd surrender everything_

_To feel the chance to live again_

_I reach to you_

_I know you can feel it too_

…

Raven and Starfire's eyes locked as the chorus came flooding out of Raven's mouth with more passion than before.

…

_We'd make it through_

_A thousand dreams I still believe_

_I'd make you give them all to me_

_I'd hold you in my arms and never let go_

_I surrender_

_Every night's getting longer_

_And this fire is getting stronger, babe_

_I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive_

_Did you hear my call?_

_I surrender all!_

…

Starfire couldn't take her eyes off of the other girl. She suddenly saw the pain that her happiness was bringing to Raven, and she felt…guilty…ashamed…heartbroken…

…

'_Cause I'd surrender everything_

_To feel the chance to live again_

_I reach to you_

_I know you can feel it too_

_We'd make it through_

_A thousand dreams I still believe_

_I'd make you give them all to me_

_I'd hold you in my arms and never let go_

_I surrender_

_Right here, right now_

_I give my life to live again_

…

Starfire stopped dancing and rested her head on Robin's shoulder with tears swimming in her eyes. She cursed herself for not realizing the feelings Raven had for her earlier. Maybe if she had known then she wouldn't have had force herself to tell Robin that she loved him, and instead this would be her and Raven's dance.

…

_I'll break free, take me_

_My everything I surrender all to you_

…

Raven was the only one to see the single tear running down Starfire's face as she sang the final verse to the song.

…

_Right here, right now_

_I give my life to live again_

_I break free, take me_

_My everything I surrender all to you _

…

Though everyone clapped as Raven pulled up her hood and slinked out of the nearest doorway, she still felt no joy in their applause. She knew from the beginning that she wouldn't, and even knew that she might feel as she did now - a million times worse than before.

"Raven?"

Raven turned around to face Starfire. The moisture of unshed tears was still present in the red-head's eyes, and Raven could see it clear as day. "Star…"

"Won't you come back inside?" Starfire tried to sound nonchalant about it, but found that hard. "I mean, everyone is worried about you…so…so am I…"

"Star, I--I can't." Raven turned back to walked away, but Starfire grabbed her wrist. "Please, just let go of me."

"I am…sorry."

Raven turned her head to look at Starfire, and found the other girl's face streaked with tears. "What could you possibly have done?" She turned completely around and pulled Starfire to her in a comforting embrace.

Starfire wrapped her arms around Raven's waist in a tight hug. "Because I was blind to what you were feeling!"

"Star…no…I just got a little too--"

"Do not lie to me, Raven." Starfire looked Raven in the face and slowly, softly kissed her. "I know why you sang that song…and I am sorry that I had to cause you that pain…but I never thought that you felt as I did."

Raven bit her bottom lip, considering kissing Starfire again, but decided against it. No matter how much she wanted to change it, Starfire was now married to Robin. She let go of the red-head and said, "Yes, Star, I do love you…and it is too late for us to be confessing to each other." She smiled small, the best she could handle at the moment. "I won't abandon you…but there's somewhere else I have to go for a little while." She grabbed Starfire's hand.

Starfire took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes, of course."

Raven gently squeezed the hand she held before letting it drop back to Starfire's side. She levitated about two feet over Starfire's head and then turned and left. She didn't know where she was going to go, and she didn't even know when or if she was going to be back, all Raven knew was that she had to go away for a long time.


End file.
